Do you ever just want to hug a goalie? If you didn’t want to hug some goalies after this game, we don’t know who you are or what you are doing. But seriously who the hell are you and what the fuck are you doing?
Typical game against the Blues – bogged down, limited clean plays, and a general feeling of wanting to eat a sandwich and take a long nap.
Luckily it was an early game so there was time to nap after the bitter end. We guess some awards should be given out. We’re not thrilled about it, but eeehhhhh, it’s not like it was particularly bad. This is a late cap so let’s just take it easy.
The first period made us worry about even-ups for the second because the Pens did a pretty tight job drawing penalties.
It looked like maybe we could pull ahead if we kept it up.
The play was pretty quick – not quite the tied up look we expected just yet.
Engo on as defense. Penguins with a slight advantage in shots, but an even match for actual shots on net.
MOST KICKED IN THE FACE
Srry not srry Backes.
The second period is like wut I could have made a Dunkin’ Donuts run you motherfuckers lemme know when you plan on being this boring.
That is a big ass photo of iced coffee and I was honestly going to shrink it down but then I just got so thirsty for iced coffee and now I may have to run to Sheetz because it is the only thing open right now, so thanks again second period. Jesus.
LEAST DOCUMENTED SCUFFLE
There is some relief from the tedium that is the second period when Adams absolutely ruins Reaves’ day at the blue line. Lapierre apparently doesn’t like how hockey is played and jumps Adams, and both of them end up dropping their gloves. Mostly nothing happens but two roughing minors do come out of it. Photos were deemed too threatening to national security if released or something idk.
MOST ENVIABLE ASSAULT
MOST ON POINT
Heading into the third period the game is tied 0-0 with 23-18 shots on net. Hey boys in the nets, how ya doing? Fleury shows up huge in about five hundred situations, including a really cute number in the third wherein Porter tried to jam one in and MAF said hell naw with his leg.
MOMENT YOU STARTED PREPPING YOUR PRE-NAP SANDWICH
Gross goal deflect off MAF’s glove.
Backes must be a Pens fan because why is he crying.
The rest of the period winds down. MAF makes that leg save we just talked about (so our order is not always perfect, we know, sit down.) Malkin and Pietrangelo get into a tiff at the buzzer. This one’s on the books as a loss. Sigh.
How bout you tell us.
ALT THREE STARS
3. Both goaltenders.
Let’s just forget this one like a mediocre one night stand. It’s not even a good story to tell.