This time of year the hypocrisy flows freely around Puck Huffers. We say that if you’re a true fan, you’ll always deeply believe that your team is going to win the Cup. This year when someone says they’re growing a playoff beard, we chime in “won’t be too long a beard!” It’s not to say we don’t deeply believe it…that belief just rests at such a depth that it’s hard to find under the skepticism. We assume the silt of suspicion will be washed away on Wednesday.
Another of these hypocrisies is the ol’ “every game matters” belief. It’s so true, it really is. But last night’s game against a team of golfers didn’t matter. The attitude from that game isn’t going to carry over – the playoffs bring a totally new mindset. The only thing that actually mattered about the game was no one getting hurt, which is why the scratch list looked more like a list of speakers at a “Why Hockey Is So Badass” conference.
There’s room for a few awards, but overall this is an exercise in pointlessness.
FEWEST COOKIES AT SNACK TIME
Chirs Neil got pissy about Tanner hitting Phillips in the first period so they dropped the gloves. It was a stupid move on Tanner’s part because Neil had nothing to lose, and he had everything to lose. Don’t risk injury before the playoffs when there’s no reason to. Just don’t.
MOST EASILY ATTRIBUTED TO DUMB LUCK
The Penguins score first, but it’s super flukey. Jokinen was passing to Neal when it hit a skate and sneaked in five hole.
The Sens get it back a few minutes later with a lot less luck and a little more actually-meaning-to-score.
Stempniak, Bennett, and Gibbons get something done together, which is an adorable thing that we treasure and love. After a faceoff win by Gibbons, Bennett gets a wrister through traffic, where Stempniak redirects it into the goal.
LEAST INFORMED OF HOW UNIMPORTANT THIS GAME IS
The refs are acting like they are calling a game between Russia and Ukraine that will determine the future terms of a peace treaty. The penalties are countless. With the Pen’s special teams eh-ness, this is obviously headed one place.
Maybe one of the worst celebration photos ever seen. But still.
LEAST SHITS GIVEN
Ugh. A third period and an overtime happened, right? We guess. Here’s the photo of some pro golfers celebrating a hockey shootout win.
All other awards go to Eva Scott.
So now we have to deal with the absolute suckatude that is the Jackets playing us in the playoffs. It’s really rude, seeing that we love and cheer for the Jackets every chance we get. Poor little guys.
But now we have to hope for their doom. We’ll get over it, but still *kicks dirt* sucks.
Anyway, we’re gonna see you back here real soon for SUPER EXCITING SHIT THAT LEADS TO THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD, THAT BEING THE STANLEY MOTHERFUCKING CUP.