in case you missed it: that Say Yes to the Dress episode

Obviously, I saw it as my civic duty to seek out this episode and watch it in full.  Jennifer Bullano, the director of communications/PR for the Pittsburgh Penguins, appears in the second half.  If you are a scholar of TLC's Say Yes to the Dress, you'll know that each half of each episode has a loose "theme."  The first half of this episode was basically women who thought they knew what they wanted but they ended up actually needing something completely different.  And the second half was "sports stuff."  I kinda lost it during the second half because I was just waiting for Jen and Dan.

What was interesting about this was that Jennifer seemed to be one of the most genuine women ever featured on the show.  She made no bones about her relationship for the camera and didn't seem like she was trying to perform, which is a rarity.  TLC had to provide pseudo-tension to the episode by talking about what a big deal it was that they find the perfect dress in a short appointment so that Jen and Dan can make it back to the arena before 5 for the Rangers-Pens game.  The fact that Dan was invited seemed really weird.  One has to wonder if TLC asked Jennifer and her family to invite him so they could include someone of minor celebrity status on the show.  Obviously they're good friends but his interest in helping her pick a dress was minimal.

Anyway, screencaps, not only of Jennifer and Coach Bylsma, but of the other stuff we had to endure to get to her segment.

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this bitch with her ipad talking about her 1920's inspired wedding but had no idea what a 1920's wedding dress silhouette looks like.  she and her ipad are very important.

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randy pls save us

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she wanted a glitzy, revealing gown and her friends (who honestly didn't seem like they were that close to her–it was weird) had to keep trying to convince her to wear something more appropriate so her conservative parents would approve of it in a church wedding.  She was stubborn.  She wanted allllllllll the goddamn Swarovski.

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they also apparently sent a music video crew to film her weird relationship with her fiancé

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this should probably be its own meme.  Her sister's bitchface is legendary.

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her father finally said "it is appropriate" to voice his enthusiasm about a dress.

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Jen showed up late in the ep.

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Here's Dan.

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Cute pic but can we FORGET THIS DAY EVER HAPPENED PLEASE AND THANKS

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This is a Pittsburgh wedding done right.

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Honestly, if I'm ever rich as shit, I'm going to buy my wedding dress at Kleinfeld, try to get featured on this show, and then have my fucking reception at the Hopwood VFW and hope they try to film it.  (even though I hate white wedding dresses personally and don't understand the significance of marriage in modern society–but bear with me for a sec, also ponder that and try to figure out why I love this goddamn show so much)

Jen is having hers at the Carnegie Music Hall though.  It's no fire hall but it'll do.

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cuties

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Yinzer courting rituals exposed

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They asked Dan what he envisioned Jen in for some reason (wtf why didn't they ask her obviously Italian Catholic family) and he said that, other than beautiful, he would expect it to be expensive.  We don't know what that means.  It sounded naughty.

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Dan literally wants to get out of here in like 10-15 minutes.

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Meanwhile, the concept of having one dress for the ceremony and one dress for the reception is totally lost on us.  If you don't think the dress is comfortable enough to wear through your reception we don't know why you'd buy it.  Also half the fun of a wedding dress is having this beautiful thing that you only wear once and you can fuck it up a little.  It's a memory not a museum piece.

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Picky lady who is marrying an MLB player thought THIS WAS THE DRESS but we think the bustline is hella weird and makes her boobs look weird.  Hopefully they have some alterations experts that can handle that.

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The dress Jennifer eventually picked.  She looks great.

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Seriously, she looks amazing.

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hugs from mom

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Dan wanted to be the one to ask her if she was saying yes to the dress.

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then he made this face.

what a shit

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Jennifer's big day.  That dress is actually incredibly beautiful.  99% of wedding dresses I look at and I'm like "well, actually that's fugz and I would never put it on my person."  But I actually really like this dress.  The ruffles are on point for the occasion, the fabric is gorgeous, and the shape is perfect for her body.

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Evidence of whether or not there was a cookie table at this reception was not forthcoming at press time.

Also in case you missed it, here is a fantastic article from ESPN, published last March, about Jennifer Bullano and her career with the Penguins.

everyone is ready for that home and home with the Caps, right?  gets the blood pumping.

Go Pens.  Congrats, Jennifer.

 

 

Zoë

About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. every Penguins season is like Amundsen vs. Scott in my head.

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