sending out an SOS

Life is fucking impossible so I am joining this game late (with about 6 minutes left in the first) and realizing that I did just in time.  So let’s. . .

MOST FAILED BILDUNGSROMAN

Odd poetic justice in Olli Maatta taking a holding penalty and Sergei Fucking Gonchar scoring on the Ultimate Gonch Blast from the center point on the PP.

1-0 Stars

Dad came back to give us a piece of his mind.

The Stars wear green.  Discuss.  It looks good on Uncle Sarge.

The rest of the period is just survival mode.

THANKS LETANG

Letang took a penalty for some reason early in the 2nd and Jamie Benn scored a PPG off a feed from Alex Goligoski.  

Malkin and Neal get the next forward shift for the Pens trying to get some excess poetic justice but it leads to more bullshit when Whitney almost scores.

Bylsma uses his timeout.  Apparently the Penguins have 5 shots.  Oh.  Then Scuderi possibly gets cut with a skate but we’re not sure because nobody has any idea.

MOST MISSED CHANCES

Sid almost buries one after Lehtonen got confused but no dice.  The Stars are basically out for blood, like they all have ten-foot monster dicks and a war in their souls.  Pens could do with some of that.

Pens look like they might get something going but then Peverley comes down the right wing and snipes it.

3-0

ugh ok

Kunitz high sticks someone after the next TV timeout after falling down.  Pretty much sums up the night.  Wish I had the screen grab of Mario and Nathalie looking upset to put here to express my deep emotions.

blah blah blah

WHO ARE YOU EVEN

someone named Brendan Dillon took a penalty and the Pens have 45.4 seconds at the end of the PP to try to get on the board.  Doesn’t happen, though.

Uncle Sarge was spoken to at intermission because things are that fucking bad.

The third starts but the Pens don’t do anything with the rest of their PP time.

Jamie Benn is basically the best player in the world tonight.  Pens almost get something going but then Tanner Glass hits some kid–the ensuring scrum results somehow in a PP for the Pens.  We don’t know anyone on the whole Stars team apparently except the spectres who have wronged us.  After two matching penalties the Pens stay on a 5 on 4 PP.  Malkin commits a ridiculous turnover after the Pens actually get a zone entry on the PP.  Why is 

just

okay

MOST LIKE THE ’08 RED WINGS

SOMEHOW the Pens have another power play???  Still not even scoring or really entering the zone.  The Stars are like an impenetrable championship team right now.  We’re having traumatic flashbacks of 2008 in Joe Louis Arena.

not even going to discuss this game except it seems like a pretty red letter day for the Pens as opposed to just “one of those games that happen.”  Games like this, better than others, expose the Pens’ flaws.  Bad at scoring once they’re already down.  Bottom six can’t be consistent and step up–namely because it’s rarely even remotely the same bottom six.  Sometimes, our most dynamic players can be our greatest liabilities, especially when there aren’t any depth players available to contribute.  And worst of all?  The narrative you hear from the coaching staff will never reflect any of this, because nobody wants to be a douchebag and say it.  We wish we could hear them say, “We’re doing our best, but the office is a MESS right now.”  sigh

go Pens.  see ya Monday.  This was definitely a LOLback from Dallas after one too many cracks at how “ridiculous” Niskanen/Neal for Goligoski straight up was.

Zoë

About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. every Penguins season is like Amundsen vs. Scott in my head.

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