Oh hey there. I am sick and sitting here in a robe and I am about to be super unfunny at you. The Pens are playing the Rags, they’re kicking ass all over town, and tonight will probably not be an exception.
If anything, this can be a fun break on your dash from all of those raving lunatic Sherlock fans (but srsly good on you guys, we love us some fandoms.)
Let’s start in on some awards.
It’s always nice to see the team click. The beginning of this game is really a good example of just how well we’re doing together – injuries, fresh meat, line switch-ups and all, we just seem to be doing well. We’re the kids that just shrugged and asked what was for dinner when mom and dad told us they were getting a divorce.
Right from the get-go Neal gets the puck to Bortuzzo in the right circle for a nice little chance that Lundqvist gets rid of. MAF has a few solid plays, getting rid of a wrister from Pouliot, a backhander from Moore, and a couple of wristers from Nash. Lundqvist isn’t bored either, with Gibbons trying the bad angles and Glass attempting a wrister of his own.
Adams gets a killer chance, left all by his lonesome to the right of the net. Lundy goes for the glove save and it looks like Craigsy has it in the bag when the left post screams YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US and we all have to go sobbing off into the bathroom to eat our lunch in solitude.
PRETTIEST UGLY THING
Nisky takes a shot into a sea of Rags in front of the net after taking a pass from Neal. The puck bounces around the flopping and flailing Rags and ends up in front of Kunitz who quickly gets around Stalman and puts the puck home. It wasn’t exactly graceful, but hey, it works.
MAF, who has been showing up all period, has to deal with a little issue Engelland stirred up after Zuccarello and Brassard trick him away from the puck. Brassard ends up on a breakaway and Fleury has to kick away the shot, which of course he does because he has a baby to impress at home.
GREATEST POTENTIAL SIGN OF THINGS TO COME
Vitale gets the puck behind the net and Gibbons helps make some space and get the puck over to Jokinen. The wrister that goes past Lundqvist looks…well, it’s not embarrassing, but he’s not on point, and with two goals so close to one another, you have to wonder how he’s going to hold up overall.
We won’t say anything solid on the subject because we aren’t looking to be cursed, but we’re keeping an eye out in the second period.
MOMENT YOU REALIZED YOU DON’T HAVE TO HOLD YOUR BREATH AS OFTEN ANYMORE
It’s not like knowing this will help you breathe during hockey games or anything, but it’s a nice piece of information to have stored away. In the first few minutes of the second, Jokinen gets his second goal after the puck gives McDonagh a gentle kiss goodbye on the cheek. It’s another not-so-glamorous goal, but we’re working, and when you work you cash in on some ugly goals.
MAF has been killing it all game, but the chants really start coming after he shuts down a slapper from Kreider with a cat-like stretch and a glove. The game would be a lot more evenly balanced if it weren’t for him working his ass off.
Kunitz grabs the puck from Staal in the Rags zone and gifts it to Sid, who navigates Stepan and sends it behind Lundy’s glove. The two of them are so fucking beast together that we can’t even handle it.
Lundqvist’s life is obviously falling apart before our eyes.
RUDEST THEFT OF DELIGHTS
We kinda wanted MAF to get the shut out with all that hard work. Near half way through the third, however, we look a little complacent. Brassard takes advantage and strips us of the funtimes.
Shortly after there is a followup goal that is pretty messy – Zuccarello gets it to McDonagh, where the puck decides to flop around and eventually deflect behind MAF. Uglier than our ugly ones, but counts just the same.
Kunitz says no thx to the idea of the Rags coming back in this game. Swipes the opportunity off of the table with a slick move to make it 5-2.
MOST CANADIAN RAGE
We end the game with a surprising display wherein the bagged milk in Sid’s veins boils over and he takes it out on McDonagh’s face. Interesting.
Pens Win. Wooooo.
Take me home.
ALT THREE STARS
Crosby – qt
MAF – dilf
I am going to go nap it up for about 100 years, and I have a good feeling that when I come back from that the Penguins will only look better because seems to be our thing recently.
Always nice to clean up so nicely. That’s 11 in a row at home.
2014 lookin’ good.