all these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls.

Did you forget about playoff hockey? Because we always do. No matter how hard we emotionally prepare for it, remind ourselves that it’s Not Like Normal Hockey, and line our shelves with fresh bottles of bourbon, it comes as a surprise every year. We’re somehow always shocked when we find ourselves screaming and crying in […]


so many forbidden feelings: series preview: Pens vs Blue Jackets

This is our sum of all fears as Penguins fans who fell in love with the Blue Jackets in their halcyon days, when they made the playoffs for the first time in franchise history, captained by Rick Nash and (wait for it) Steve Mason in his Calder year.  Sounds like a fucking fever dream these […]

ho hum

This time of year the hypocrisy flows freely around Puck Huffers. We say that if you’re a true fan, you’ll always deeply believe that your team is going to win the Cup. This year when someone says they’re growing a playoff beard, we chime in “won’t be too long a beard!” It’s not to say […]


sublimated aggression

Woe is us, NBC is on this afternoon. But for once we actually need them to give us the basics straight because the haze of our Western journey has us out of touch with the playoffs.  Oh god.  We’re not ready for this at all. We would rather play Detroit but it’s looking like Columbus […]

Dead, dying, reborn

Sorry that we didn’t provide you with more live updates from Denver. Fair warning: don’t go to Denver if you don’t expect to be constantly inebriated. We went to a bottomless mimosa brunch at which, even after saying “No I’m fine” to an offer to top off my blood orange mimosa, I was topped off […]

Hello from Denver.

So, we’re in Denver, and we’ve Learned A Few Things about the city so far. – The coffee scene is decidedly uncivilized.  Nothing seems to be open before 10AM.  So when we rolled out of bed, delirious and in need of coffee, we spent two hours looking for coffee before our brunch place opened at […]

time to go.

We deal with enough when we decide to travel. Booking flights and hostels. Finding nearby things to do. Packing. Trying to remember the ounce at which mouthwash becomes a domestic threat. The last thing we needed on the eve of our voyage west was to be called in for a rescue mission. Luckily the Penguins […]


PH-Cation: Denver Edition

Sorry that we suck lately.  But it’s for a good reason.  Tomorrow PH Staff will be venturing out to Parts Unknown, Points West, aka Denver, Colorado in preparation for the Penguins @ Avalanche game on Sunday.  The thesis statement of this trip was born at the end of October, when Max Talbot was traded from […]


darkness is a blanket

We had no idea this game was on NBCSN.  This is going to be a long night. As we all remember, the last time we played the Blackhawks was at Soldier Field and the Pens shat the bed. That’s the thing about the outdoor games.  If you only wear that jersey the one time, and […]

getting ready for the curtain call

This game was basically one ginormous dry hump that ended surprisingly well.  I had a lot more  to say but I lost my post draft in highly dramatic fashion.  That’s all my game notes.  All of them.  I know WordPress wouldn’t fuck me like this, but we don’t have it yet.  Patience. In order: We […]

not just yet.

Hockey brings out the best and the worst in us as people. Screaming ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME at the television every five minutes in either elation or rage definitely has some effects on our personal lives. Our families think we're insane, our roommates want us to gtfo, and for whatever reason (that obv does […]

takeaways from this game, during which our lives became a maelstrom of fuckup

The Pens refuse to clinch a playoff spot.  They are just not that into it.  They heard about it once, but put it in a bookmarks subfolder and forgot about it. Pyatt scored? Malkin is hurt, probably until at least the playoffs.  We can’t.  We’re done. Our main site is moving to WordPress tomorrow, so […]


Do you ever just want to hug a goalie? If you didn’t want to hug some goalies after this game, we don’t know who you are or what you are doing. But seriously who the hell are you and what the fuck are you doing?  Typical game against the Blues – bogged down, limited clean […]

are you afraid of the deep dark woods?

This is an opportunity to feel normal again. Oddly it seems as though we are back in the appropriate iteration of our Universe.  Win or lose, this one counts. LEAST SIGNIFICANT Ryan Malone went to hit Bortuzzo early and Bortuzzo turned away and put himself in a dangerous situation.  Nothing bad happened but it's still […]

caw caw motherfuckers

For what we can only assume are deeply occult reasons, the Red Wings requested that the Pens wear their home jerseys at the game tonight. The Big Bang was basically just proven, so you know, obviously this is all taking place in an alternate universe that is space and time’s deepest tire fire.  So what […]