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injure yourself spiritually until the pain stops having meaning

Hey, so, if you’re reading this, you already know what happened, and we’d hate to take you deep on that journey again.  The journey from cautious optimism to rage to disappointment. Through the standard four games, the series has lived and died by the 4-3 score.  The team that led 3-1 ended up losing the […]

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we all saw it coming, from miles away

JESUS HOW IS THIS STILL HAPPENING.  God, you know that playoff feeling? The one after you do win a game where it feels great to win, but the dread just builds and builds until the next game, which, if lost, will be catastrophic.  If you are still feeling bad about this, please know that somewhere […]


everything else in the god damn NHL

Bite-sized details about the other series going on, in case you are behind in your news and want our insight (obviously) (we are only figuring all of this out now by staring at and unconsciously shoving sweet potato chips in our mouths): Avalanche vs. Wild We’ve already discussed the religious angle and devotional challenge […]


the circle of life: our god returns

Hi guys, we posted this last night on our Tumblr but our Bloguin site was still down.  Enjoy.  More about the playoffs later on today. Longtime readers of PH began notifying us feverishly over the wires, and we finally feel confident enough in the veracity of this story to report it to you.  Yes, it’s true […]


so many forbidden feelings: series preview: Pens vs Blue Jackets

This is our sum of all fears as Penguins fans who fell in love with the Blue Jackets in their halcyon days, when they made the playoffs for the first time in franchise history, captained by Rick Nash and (wait for it) Steve Mason in his Calder year.  Sounds like a fucking fever dream these […]


sublimated aggression

Woe is us, NBC is on this afternoon. But for once we actually need them to give us the basics straight because the haze of our Western journey has us out of touch with the playoffs.  Oh god.  We’re not ready for this at all. We would rather play Detroit but it’s looking like Columbus […]

Dead, dying, reborn

Sorry that we didn’t provide you with more live updates from Denver. Fair warning: don’t go to Denver if you don’t expect to be constantly inebriated. We went to a bottomless mimosa brunch at which, even after saying “No I’m fine” to an offer to top off my blood orange mimosa, I was topped off […]

Hello from Denver.

So, we’re in Denver, and we’ve Learned A Few Things about the city so far. – The coffee scene is decidedly uncivilized.  Nothing seems to be open before 10AM.  So when we rolled out of bed, delirious and in need of coffee, we spent two hours looking for coffee before our brunch place opened at […]


PH-Cation: Denver Edition

Sorry that we suck lately.  But it’s for a good reason.  Tomorrow PH Staff will be venturing out to Parts Unknown, Points West, aka Denver, Colorado in preparation for the Penguins @ Avalanche game on Sunday.  The thesis statement of this trip was born at the end of October, when Max Talbot was traded from […]


darkness is a blanket

We had no idea this game was on NBCSN.  This is going to be a long night. As we all remember, the last time we played the Blackhawks was at Soldier Field and the Pens shat the bed. That’s the thing about the outdoor games.  If you only wear that jersey the one time, and […]

getting ready for the curtain call

This game was basically one ginormous dry hump that ended surprisingly well.  I had a lot more  to say but I lost my post draft in highly dramatic fashion.  That’s all my game notes.  All of them.  I know WordPress wouldn’t fuck me like this, but we don’t have it yet.  Patience. In order: We […]

takeaways from this game, during which our lives became a maelstrom of fuckup

The Pens refuse to clinch a playoff spot.  They are just not that into it.  They heard about it once, but put it in a bookmarks subfolder and forgot about it. Pyatt scored? Malkin is hurt, probably until at least the playoffs.  We can’t.  We’re done. Our main site is moving to WordPress tomorrow, so […]

are you afraid of the deep dark woods?

This is an opportunity to feel normal again. Oddly it seems as though we are back in the appropriate iteration of our Universe.  Win or lose, this one counts. LEAST SIGNIFICANT Ryan Malone went to hit Bortuzzo early and Bortuzzo turned away and put himself in a dangerous situation.  Nothing bad happened but it's still […]

something something blood and ball sweat

A child joins the Penguins for the anthems from a team called the Butler Valley Dawgs, and all seems relatively right with the world, i.e. we are not playing the Flyers.  Also James Neal and Chris Kunitz are back with us.  And Zatkoff is in net.  Somehow we feel oddly calm. First we have to […]

not friends

Dad Shero is being honored by the Flyers before the game, but oddly they didn't thank him for bringing us Rejean and a legacy of poor defenseman drafting!!!!!! okay enough with the trolljob god Flyers games are always nasty.  We may never hate them like we hate the Red Wings or the Capitals or, you […]