all that glitters is horseshit.

You may assume that the above photo is a reference to the recent Penguins past, but alas, it is the ghost of the Penguins future. And it’s exactly what we need. Everything you know is dead and gone after tonight. If only our already-fading memories of the 13/14 Pittsburgh Penguins weren’t capped off with a […]

with consideration.

Sorry for being shitty about not covering last night’s game. In a painkiller induced haze (to deal with some torn ligaments) I kinda just…forgot that I had to say things about that horrible event.  There is nothing much to say about the complete breakdown we had last night. There’s a ton to be said for […]


ear to the ground.

Things seem to be…not awful. Which is an assertion none of us would have made weeks ago, so we’ll take it as a positive sign. The game tonight was a mix bag, but at least this time it was more of a Halloween bag of fun-sized chocolate mixed in with peppermints and pennies, rather than […]


choo chooo.

As we said, this series is going to have to do a lot to really stir up any fee fees on our part. Last night’s game was best summarized by Zoe: “…it was just embarrassing. Like a tiny train trying to get up a hill and the train is so cute but there’s no way […]

unpopular opinions.

We won the game last night. I mean, I guess you know that. The puck possession and the shots were hugely in our favor. Crosby and Malkin on the same line seemed to open up some opportunities. MAF was not as bad as the guy sitting at the corner of the bar wants to think […]

more angst than a junior high homeroom.

I mean, I understand the the Jackets are kind of new to being in a situation where they are pitted against the Penguins…but do we have to borrow Flyers fan tactics that stopped being relevant in 2008 (if we’re being generous?) Tonight’s game was a confused mess that became even more confusing when we won. […]


all these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls.

Did you forget about playoff hockey? Because we always do. No matter how hard we emotionally prepare for it, remind ourselves that it’s Not Like Normal Hockey, and line our shelves with fresh bottles of bourbon, it comes as a surprise every year. We’re somehow always shocked when we find ourselves screaming and crying in […]

ho hum

This time of year the hypocrisy flows freely around Puck Huffers. We say that if you’re a true fan, you’ll always deeply believe that your team is going to win the Cup. This year when someone says they’re growing a playoff beard, we chime in “won’t be too long a beard!” It’s not to say […]

time to go.

We deal with enough when we decide to travel. Booking flights and hostels. Finding nearby things to do. Packing. Trying to remember the ounce at which mouthwash becomes a domestic threat. The last thing we needed on the eve of our voyage west was to be called in for a rescue mission. Luckily the Penguins […]

not just yet.

Hockey brings out the best and the worst in us as people. Screaming ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME at the television every five minutes in either elation or rage definitely has some effects on our personal lives. Our families think we're insane, our roommates want us to gtfo, and for whatever reason (that obv does […]


Do you ever just want to hug a goalie? If you didn’t want to hug some goalies after this game, we don’t know who you are or what you are doing. But seriously who the hell are you and what the fuck are you doing?  Typical game against the Blues – bogged down, limited clean […]

caw caw motherfuckers

For what we can only assume are deeply occult reasons, the Red Wings requested that the Pens wear their home jerseys at the game tonight. The Big Bang was basically just proven, so you know, obviously this is all taking place in an alternate universe that is space and time’s deepest tire fire.  So what […]

pens for lsd.

The Penguins need to take tonight to prove to the universe that they can still dominate puck possession some of the time, maybe, if they feel like it. We know there are nights when Sid had a headache or Malks has just been really stressed at work or Kunitz was way too sore from that […]

isn’t it past your bedtime?

Late night hockey can be trying for us poor east coast bastards. We swap out our liquor for coffee with liquor and pray that our poor little souls can keep it together late enough to follow what is happening on the ice. Petition to transport all east coast fans to the west coast for games […]

now we have to deal with this shit.

Signs that tonight’s game will be interesting, if not a little grating: – Stress about tomorrow is at fever pitch. We’ll spare you the speculation. It’s plentiful elsewhere and makes us want to rip our chest cavities open. – Before puck drop, Steiggy and Bobby both have used the term “Smashville” several times. Can we not.- […]