measuring stick

Jesus Christ I just sat down to type and the fight is already happening what the hell. Thanks, Blues. Okay, so let's skip the ridiculous expo for this game and get to a half-assy recap. The Blues are good and it'll be interesting to see what we look like up against them. Just pretend I […]


Home and homes are boring and awful let's be real. We love CBJ, we love (and maybe feel a little guilty about) the Pens fan showing in Columbus, but really, switch it up for us. We can't care this consistently no matter how many times Bobby says "rivalry."  What I'm saying is that I have […]


Once upon a time Puck Huffers staff broke into the basement of the Carolina Hurricanes arena in order to take smarmy photos next to signs threatening waterboarding by Gary Bettman himself if we entered the hallowed grounds. “Fuck ‘em!” we laughed, nervously eyeing the staff of the Jehovah’s Witness convention taking place on the floor […]

all the shame

The Pens staggered out of bed this morning and sent out a mass text reminiscent to the one I sent the morning after my 21st birthday: “Whose apartment are we in, whose blood is this, and what the fuck happened last night?” They fumbled through the halls and, finding no one, grabbed a beer from […]


Really there’s one award to give out tonight and it goes to Giguere. No offence to all the ballers that we love so much.[[MORE]] The Avs really aren’t that great and on another night when Gigs wasn’t standing on his head, we coulda done it. Especially with MAF holding up his end of the bargain […]

first things first i’ll eat your brains.

Facing the Flyers is always the opportunity to experience freely horrible sportsmanship. If you win, ahahaha, hilarious! The Flyers! What a buncha idiots! If you lose, whatever, shut up, thugs, you live in a dying city, go get mugged, and also as a side note, you are fat. We don't make it a secret that […]

phonin’ it in.

Let’s get real here for a quick sec and admit that the Oilers are useless. They are storied enough that we have to pretend to care but boring and far away enough that we just don’t. It’s a good night for getting drunk and screaming like a lunatic at the ice. Cheers. While we’re being […]

lids for sid, and other bad rhymes.

We’re never sure if we’re in Florida to play the Bolts or to take a gander at brother Steven’s watch collection, but tonight we were pretty sure it’s for hockey. Still, if Stamkos starts whispering to you just tell him No I Am Not Interested unless you want to spend your evening listening to him […]

who dat flower.

The Devils.Really?No one wants to throw us a bone over here to help us get jazzed up for this season. If you’re sick of hearing us whine about it, don’t worry, so are we. It may not be the most exciting season opener of all time but maybe something during this game – be it a […]

preseasonal affective disorder

  Zoe and I are well aware that it's taking us a little bit longer than usual to get to it this season. Existential crises aside, it's hard to get it up for preseason after the showing we had in the playoffs last season. Preseason barely matters – sure it's important for the lil' guys […]

pretend to be psyched.

"Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched." You know. Maybe Mindy Kaling wasn't referring to a sweep in the ECF when she said that, but we can't be too sure she'd be upset that we used it that way. In fact, if we sat down and explained it to her, we […]

there is no death, only ruin.

The Vortex is a scary place, as you may all be realizing at this point. It’s not all fun and games and cowboys with questionable “connections” to a real bull if we aren’t enthused enough by the idea of riding a mechanical bull. It IS those things. But it’s also all about tears and screaming […]

are we god now?

We’ve said it all about this series. All that’s left is to let the team speak. And some really bold ESPN statements. ORLY LET’S FIND OUT. Mattie Cooke undresses the D, Mark Eaton is a gorgeous human and makes a pass that flashes 08/09 when his knees stopped exploding, and Morrow takes it and gets […]

like so much tinder.

This game has the potential to be the first important game of the series. Sid made game two look too easy to exist, and that makes us nervous and weird. A psychiatrist would have a field day with our ability to turn Good Things into anxiety, but that psychiatrist doesn't know shit about playoff hockey. […]

better do your job and roll up.

It’s a little scary to start a new series, especially when the previous series was like blindly reaching into a grab bag filled with candy and bees. And the Sens are playing the game that the Isles used to psychically sway us to go for the bees, which doesn’t help calm our nerves.  However, a […]