smart went crazy

Montréal is one of those lands we will have to visit in an academic capacity one of these days to do cultural research on things like unreal shirts, bad jeans, being French Canadian, and using our tears and xenophobia to affect Habs games.  It would be a fully academic study. Oh also, delaying games to […]

cousin robby ftw

Playing the Isles is kinda like getting drunk with your relatives in the way that it can go really super well and be a total riot and a memory you will cherish forever, or it can devolve into one of the absolute worst nights of your life pretty much instantly. Or it can end with […]

the killing fields

Takes a night like tonight to remind us of 2009.  Apparently Ovechkin is playing well again so the Pens-Caps are a real rivalry again.  Also, the Penguins have adopted a model of regular season success and catastrophic playoff meltdowns, so there’s even more parity between the Pens and Caps that we ever could have imagined. […]

stress boner

The lines were gettin' switched up at practice today so it'll be fun to see what happens during this game. Gibbons is shrouded in mystery but we do know that he's shorter than Kim so that's pretty cute. BeauBeau is playing next to Sid and we have stars in our eyes as we write his name […]

family dinner in new jersey

OH.  HELLO.  YOU'RE EARLY.   Folks, we're with MSG tonight because we can't handle the stress of not seeing the game on TV, and we have Gamecenter Live now so ya'll can suck it.  "And it's all about his eyes" is an amazing line by Chico that was actually just said about Sidney Crosby.  They […]


The Preds have a weak offence and are generally not something we worry too much about, but in the wake of losing to the Flyers who are basically corpses in skates, we’re not taking anything for granted. Paul*Mart is a Thing that is worth being excited about. We missed his beautiful shining American face. LAMESTIt […]

how do you get the stains out?

The Flyers are 3-1 since Ray Emery assaulted Braden Holtby in such a way that, in the civilized world, would have gotten him arrested.  So apparently that was a great moment for the Flyers organization. So this is pretty amazing.  50% of PH Staff and Our Friend Laynie are actually in the stands for this […]

measuring stick

Jesus Christ I just sat down to type and the fight is already happening what the hell. Thanks, Blues. Okay, so let's skip the ridiculous expo for this game and get to a half-assy recap. The Blues are good and it'll be interesting to see what we look like up against them. Just pretend I […]

toilet hooch in a manhattan gas station

*yawn* *stretch* how long has it been?  Since Saturday?  Is this still America?  Is this still Earth?  Are there still canned soups and mixed nuts and other fine modern conveniences?  Are they still calling it the “Metropolitan Division”?  Is it still total and complete trash?  Good, good. . .well, about the last thing anyway.  Seems […]


Home and homes are boring and awful let's be real. We love CBJ, we love (and maybe feel a little guilty about) the Pens fan showing in Columbus, but really, switch it up for us. We can't care this consistently no matter how many times Bobby says "rivalry."  What I'm saying is that I have […]

getting back on the horse

The Columbus Blue Jackets are our second-favorite children, and they have finally come home to the Pens' division, which ends a decade of nonsense since Columbus is the closest NHL city to Pittsburgh.  Not actually sure of mileage versus Washington but I mean who likes the Caps?  No one likes the Caps. Pregame involved the […]

bite sized redemption

Have you ever tried watching a Pens-Bruins game in a Boston sports bar during a home-field series-clinching World Series game for the Red Sox?  Let's not downplay the difficulty of this.  It was not easy.  You could probably get punched for putting hockey on any TV west of Copley Square last night.  But we succeeded […]

send: blankets, good beer, body armor, possibly a hovercraft

Just a heads up that Zoë will be reporting LIVE from the belly of the beast tonight, aka a sports bar literally steps from Fenway Park as the Boston Red Sox play the potential World Series clincher.  The Pens-Bruins game doesn't start until 8pm which strikes us as horribly unwise.  She will be wearing a […]


Once upon a time Puck Huffers staff broke into the basement of the Carolina Hurricanes arena in order to take smarmy photos next to signs threatening waterboarding by Gary Bettman himself if we entered the hallowed grounds. “Fuck ‘em!” we laughed, nervously eyeing the staff of the Jehovah’s Witness convention taking place on the floor […]

all the shame

The Pens staggered out of bed this morning and sent out a mass text reminiscent to the one I sent the morning after my 21st birthday: “Whose apartment are we in, whose blood is this, and what the fuck happened last night?” They fumbled through the halls and, finding no one, grabbed a beer from […]