Southern Adventure Tweets

In the Summer of 2009,
PH Staff took a 10-day road trip to the American South.
This is our Twitter feed from those days.
We undertook the duty of reversing the backwords-twitter order, making the format easier to read, and adding photos for your visual pleasure.
Do enjoy.
We did almost die for your entertainment, after all.

# Getting ready to venture to the south. If we get kidnapped, we’ll let you know, and expect you to alert the proper authorities (John Curry.) 1:08 PM Aug 8th from web
# @AllisonRossi We appreciate the one last drunkblog before we go. However, we still expect you to be “friving a van tihgt n now.” Good luck. 4:32 AM Aug 9th from web
# The GPS thought we could afford toll roads. That really brought the lols. Fail number one out of the way. 6:14 AM Aug 9th from txt
# There was just a van from Michigan on route 68 that was to depressed to not drive like an asshole. 7:37 AM Aug 9th from txt
# Frickin’ Patrick Kane. We’re in Virginia. Allison is coming with the van. We can loan Kaner the 20 cents if he needs it that bad. 10:03 AM Aug 9th from txt
# Just had a Srs exchange with some Caps fan on I-95. 10:35 AM Aug 9th from txt
# “I slept in Rick last night”- Zoe 11:18 AM Aug 9th from txt
# Can’t believe someone finally punched Pierre in the face. And beat us to it. 11:24 AM Aug 9th from txt
# Words can’t explain what just happened. We lucked our way into the underbelly of the RBC Center. Zambonis, locker rooms, Cup memoriabila…2:39 PM Aug 9th from txt
# We still have no idea how we just got away with that. Wtf. 2:46 PM Aug 9th from txt
# We’re in a food lion parking lot. The kindly officer who pulled us over suggested we be here. No ticket…just awkwardness. 5:58 PM Aug 9th from txt
# Seeing cop cars makes us jumpy now that we don’t have a license plate anymore. Zoe is sobbing. Kim is laughing at her. 6:35 PM Aug 9th from txt
# @pensexperience How did you fucking know?! 7:29 PM Aug 9th from web
# btw, we’re safely in a motel now. Curry is with us. Errrr. Maybe sort of. If HBO doesn’t rerun True Blood we’re going to shoot someone. 7:30 PM Aug 9th from web
# We officially have a license plate again. If you wear dresses to shady southern gas stations and do car maintenance people love you. 7:59 AM Aug 10th from txt
# Seriously CRYING on the bridge to Savannah because the peaches we bought at the state line taste like the sweet flesh of Jesus Christ.*moan* 11:18 AM Aug 10th from txt
# We walked through the set of the newest Miley Cyrus movie. And ate at Paula Deen’s. When virtuous people die their souls go to Savannah. 1:46 PM Aug 10th from txt
# Not dead. Little Talbot Island is amazing. The people are fantastic. Peach, thy name is jesus. 7:04 PM Aug 10th from txt
# Welcome to our party, mister armadillo. Please, help yourself to some Tostitos lime. 7:13 PM Aug 10th from txt
# Mister Raccoon thought our tent bag was his own. Kim had to verbally assault him until he was convinced otherwise. 6:49 AM Aug 11th from txt
# We crashed a fiddler crab convention on the shore of the salt marshes. Several hundred guests ran at the sight of us. What a welcoming. 7:45 AM Aug 11th from txt
# A raccoon just made off with our tilapia not five feet from us in broad daylight. The nerve. 2:40 PM Aug 11th from txt
# On the way to Pensacola. Drove past a car entirely decked out in Panthers logos. Couldn’t drive to save his team. 6:58 AM Aug 12th from txt
# Just met some dude in the McDonald’s outside Pensacola. He wanted to know if we carried firearms. And tried to make sure we knew the Lord. 12:03 PM Aug 12th from web
# We would like to issue a complaint to Twitter-There are more tweets about Jean-Luc Godard than Eric Godard. What is the internet coming to? 12:50 PM Aug 12th from web
# Highly recommend this motel in Pensacola. Made of cinder blocks, cash only, roaches and boarded windows. We’re clearly here for the night. 2:03 PM Aug 12th from txt
# There is a hole in the bathroom door from being forcibly entered and knife holes in the bed. If only we were making this up. 2:15 PM Aug 12th from txt
# The soap is from a Ramada Inn. This is not a Ramada Inn. 2:20 PM Aug 12th from txt
# The drawer from the night stand is gone. So is the lamp shade. We are getting murdered tonight. 2:21 PM Aug 12th from txt
# Places there are roaches: under the bed, in the drawers, behind the fridge, in our souls forever and ever. 3:22 PM Aug 12th from txt
# “Ducks are lying to me pretending that they’re not there… I know they’re there.” – Kim. We Found the nice part of Pensacola. it’s lovely. 5:52 PM Aug 12th from txt
# At the motel. Wish you could see the car next to us. Knives and mace on night stand. If we still have a car in the morning color us amazed. 7:42 PM Aug 12th from txt
# Pulling out of this curry forsaken motel now. New Orleans is going to look like Wexford after that shit. 7:22 AM Aug 13th from txt
# We’re officially in Kim’s first American home state. There was a road sign warning us that reptiles may be in the road. Zoe loves the French 9:42 AM Aug 13th from txt
# We’re dining on gator and crawfish. Everyone in New Orleans calls us ladies or girls. Didn’t they get the memo? 11:50 AM Aug 13th from txt
# Bourbon Street is really cool. But it is awkward for us when we realize how far away from hockey we are. 12:30 PM Aug 13th from mobile web
# Actually we recall that Pensacola used to have an ECHL team. Wonder why that didn’t go over. 12:33 PM Aug 13th from mobile web
# NHL beads? Why New Orleans, how sweet of you. 1:34 PM Aug 13th from txt
# Just got ourselves a tarot reading. Knew it was our money’s worth when he advised us both to get our bloodwork done 4 times yearly. 2:41 PM Aug 13th from mobile web
# Traffic is hellbent on keeping us from sleeping in a Wal-Mart parking lot in the middle of Mississippi. Rush hour = rape prevention. 4:27 PM Aug 13th from mobile web
# We asked the GPS to detour us because we got sick of I-10. SURPRISE GORGEOUS GULF COAST BEACH. We have no idea what’s going on. 5:29 PM Aug 13th from mobile web
# “Fight all your battles on your knees–you win every time.” – some church sign. We know from experience that it’s true. 6:08 PM Aug 13th from txt
# btw, the GPS tried to take us back to a highway. We said no, added eight hours to our trip. now it doesn’t know where we are. AWESOME 6:17 PM Aug 13th from txt
# On the set of every southern horror movie ever. Almost drove into the bayou. 6:17 PM Aug 13th from mobile web
# Well the GPS found us but we are ass in the middle of nowhere. we saw a bridge in the fog and shrieked. Literally crying in disbelief 6:42 PM Aug 13th from txt
# fog is eating us alive. Just passed something called Backwoods Road. oh noes 6:50 PM Aug 13th from txt
# Zoe is outside pumping gas at a gas station on this back road. Some guy just approached her. I’m considering driving away and leaving her. 6:53 PM Aug 13th from txt
# Kim could not have driven far enough to escape my wrath had she done so. He was a very nice gentleman, in case you were wondering. 7:01 PM Aug 13th from txt
# He asked her to pump his gas. She declined. 7:03 PM Aug 13th from txt
# We got scared and decided that highways and Waffle Houses are okay. we are safe now. in Alabama, of all places. Jesus wants us to be here. 8:15 PM Aug 13th from txt
# Ah Wal-Mart Inn. So nice to make it to your gilded doors. When is check out time? Why, never, you say? How hospitable of you. 10:57 PM Aug 13th from txt
# We’re alive. Since we last spoke we’ve been driving about Alabama. The GPS tried to take us down an overgrown dirt road to our campground 10:03 AM Aug 14th from mobile web
# We also got barbecue from a shack. It was basically 9lbs of meat in sandwich bread. There is NOTHING in AL in case you were wondering. 10:05 AM Aug 14th from mobile web
# Somehow ended up at a Panera in Montgomery. There’s Internet here. We are kind of gross. Excited for the GPS to take us back to the “road.” 11:57 AM Aug 14th from web
# We just made a post over at the PH site to give you a visual assist on this trip. Enjoy that shit. 1:13 PM Aug 14th from txt
# We’re sitting in the car by a ranger station debating if the guy wanted us to follow him in. Neither of us want to go. 2:32 PM Aug 14th from txt
# Three children and a lawnmower. That is what occupies the bed of the truck driving in front of us. 4:32 PM Aug 14th from txt
# Sitting here overlooking the bayou. No one else is here. We keep building fires at night like It’s cold or something. It’s hot as balls. 6:16 PM Aug 14th from txt
# Coyotes are about, and we don’t mean Ilya or Kovie. Oh dear. 6:50 PM Aug 14th from txt
# A little fox decided to be a part of this. We enjoyed him but he apparently had somewhere else to be. Oh well. 8:23 PM Aug 14th from txt
# We made it through the night alive, but not without some close calls. 6:39 AM Aug 15th from txt
# On our way to Nashville. Still haven’t found anything in Alabama, though our deserted campground was very nice. 9:04 AM Aug 15th from mobile web
# Passed the town with the Jack Daniel’s distillery. Felt the tug in our stomachs, had to adjust our route accordingly. 11:34 AM Aug 15th from txt
# This place is majestic. We signed the guestbook as Puck Huffers Staff and Billy G (in spirit). 12:43 PM Aug 15th from txt
# Everything about that tour was perfect. Everything. We love TN. If you ever tour Jack Daniel’s, refuse any tour guide that isn’t David. 2:07 PM Aug 15th from txt
# In the Sommet Center. What a marvel. 3:37 PM Aug 15th from txt
# We couldn’t get into the Preds store ’cause it was bullridin’ night. So…uh…we bought tickets to that. 3:50 PM Aug 15th from txt
# We’re sitting in the tackiest salloon ever listening to live music before our bull riding event. Nashville is everything it is said to be. 4:18 PM Aug 15th from txt
# The bullriding event is the Jack Daniels Invitational sponsored by Copenhagen. Everyone is seriously in cowboy hats. Like, they mean it. 4:26 PM Aug 15th from mobile web
# We were just screaming the words to Wagon Wheel along with the band while waiting for pecan pie before bullriding. WHAT. 5:02 PM Aug 15th from txt
# A man here is in a blingee shirt. It’s awesome.The pecan pie is taking ages. They must be harvesting the pecans out back or some shit. 5:05 PM Aug 15th from txt
# The bullriders are at this saloon before the show too apparently. They want to teach us to line dance. 5:09 PM Aug 15th from txt
# We are sitting next to cowboys. It is perfect. We love our lives. They have copenhagen. The dirt has USA spray painted onto it. 5:40 PM Aug 15th from txt
# The USA lit on FIRE. 5:55 PM Aug 15th from txt
# There was a video tribute to America. And now one for bulls. And there is fire. And rodeo clowns. And AWESOMENESS. 6:00 PM Aug 15th from txt
# There were airforce cadets and a marine rapelled from the ceiling near a giant pred statue. So much America is happening. 6:11 PM Aug 15th from txt
# ‘Scene of the Crash’ is not a name. Someone needs to let these people know. 6:16 PM Aug 15th from txt
# “I think I’m in love with the rodeo clown”- Zoe 6:20 PM Aug 15th from txt
# We have reached an agreement. Kim can buy a cowboy hat if Zoe can marry the rodeo clown. Who just reenacted Titanic for us. 6:51 PM Aug 15th from txt
# @Pensblog check your e-mail, winners 6:51 PM Aug 15th from mobile web
# They have the dirt equivalant of ice sluts. Dirt sluts? There is also a dirt Zamboni. Omg. 7:28 PM Aug 15th from txt
# Sean Willingham = The Ovechkin of PBR. 7:38 PM Aug 15th from txt
# Talking to the guys next to us and considering what we know and what we are wearing… PH Staff = The puckbunnies of PBR. Oh lord. 7:59 PM Aug 15th from txt
# Twitter is broken, we can only do texts. Almost went home with some hicks from the rodeo last night for shelter. Slept at Wal-Mart instead. 6:35 AM Aug 16th from txt
# Did we mention that the boys at the rodeo wanted to get us drunk enough to ride a bull, to which they had “connections”? Well…yeah. 8:00 AM Aug 16th from txt
# We’re in KY. Already missing TN. We’re not sure anything outside of the Pittsburgh area would stand up to it in sheer tack and awesomeness. 8:30 AM Aug 16th from txt
# We went to a cave where there was a dead man. We felt uncomfortable so we left. 9:17 AM Aug 16th from txt
# We went to another cave. It was a nice one with no dead bodies, but it cost money. Who pays for a hole in some rock? Not us. 9:39 AM Aug 16th from txt
# Nature should be free. We will, however, spend money at the really seedy gift shop owned by some guy named Mike down the street. Gladly. 9:40 AM Aug 16th from txt
# Kentucky is stuck in 1956. It’s cute at first, but mildly alarming after a while. 10:14 AM Aug 16th from txt
# We’re back in our favorite time zone. We would kill ourselves if we lived in Louisville. 11:43 AM Aug 16th from txt
# Just visited Churchill Downs. It’s fun to imagine hockey players at the derby. Petey makes like $8000 and buys a cattle prod. 12:09 PM Aug 16th from txt
# We’re in Ohio on our way to Columbus which is the land of free and clean beauty. As an aside, I-71 is boring as shit. 2:09 PM Aug 16th from mobile web
# Had to factor in a trip to Tim Horton’s because really, how could we not. Columbus skyline just crept into view. We may weep at its beauty. 3:00 PM Aug 16th from txt
# Suddenly we’re not old enough for motel six. We miss the days of the cash only motels that would room service whiskey to a ten year old. 4:06 PM Aug 16th from txt
# And here we go again with another awful motel. 4:39 PM Aug 16th from txt
# The condoms at the front office are expensive and almost certainly expired. The man refused to look at our IDs. He refused to know our age. 4:42 PM Aug 16th from txt
# The door will not open at all. Even the building owner can’t get it. We can’t even see how scary the room is. 4:47 PM Aug 16th from txt
# If you have never stayed at the Royal Arms in Pensacola, this motel might be horrifying. But we know real horror. We will survive this. 4:57 PM Aug 16th from txt
# While there may not be a bathroom door, we have learned to embrace simplicity. The fewer objects in the room, the less we have to fear. 5:16 PM Aug 16th from txt
# @AllisonRossi like we’d go south without condoms for that very purpose. 5:18 PM Aug 16th from txt
# If we just lay very still, nom these tim bits and focus on True Blood, we will forget that the ceiling of the room is caving in. 5:51 PM Aug 16th from txt
# #trueblood is already insane and the opening credits just happened. What the hell? 6:05 PM Aug 16th from txt
# We’d pay so much money to have Dan Lacosta come watch HBO and eat Tostitos with us. 6:58 PM Aug 16th from txt
# The motel phone is ringing. We are just staring at it. We have no idea what to do. 7:00 PM Aug 16th from txt
# Still ringing. 7:01 PM Aug 16th from txt
# Okay. It stopped. We’re good. 7:02 PM Aug 16th from txt
# Our motel is officially run by pimps. Not in a funny way. In a “we may get sold into prostitution” way. 7:12 PM Aug 16th from txt
# We know they’re pimps because of the shoes they wear when they get out of blue taxi cabs before walking into doors marked “private.” 7:17 PM Aug 16th from mobile web
# The phone is ringing again. 5:33 AM Aug 17th from txt
# The Blue Jackets store doesn’t open until eleven. We will wait and stare at It’s doors accusingly until then. 7:06 AM Aug 17th from txt
# So, the truck drivers back out of crosswalks when they accidentally pull into them and the bus stops remind us not to swear. Oh Columbus. 7:10 AM Aug 17th from txt
# Just got the guy at the Jackets store to call down to the warehouse for Andrew Murray sticks. 8:11 AM Aug 17th from txt
# Just dropped some srs cash on Jackets game used equipment. More cash than we’ve spent on food or shelter in eight days. We have a disease. 8:34 AM Aug 17th from txt
# There is a European espresso bar in what Columbus considers to be their “hood”. How adorable can this place get? 8:43 AM Aug 17th from txt
# We forgot about the road work round these parts. Oh my Curry. 10:58 AM Aug 17th from txt
# Pennsylvania, sweet Pennsylvania. 11:21 AM Aug 17th from txt
# “Andrew Murray is like the prince of funk.” 12:16 PM Aug 17th from txt
# Pittsburgh…you are beautiful. 12:23 PM Aug 17th from txt
# Stopped at Pen Station. Kim cried over a Gill jersey and then bought a Habs puck. Zoe told her to shut up and got a Godard shirt. 12:59 PM Aug 17th from txt
# @Annie_GS it’s open til 4. Lots of nice stuff on sale too! 1:43 PM Aug 17th from mobile web
# By the way guys, we’re not home yet. We’re Fayette County trash. Night in the city for us. 1:45 PM Aug 17th from mobile web
# Oh Eat’n Park, how does the rest of the country get by without you? Oh wait, they have bbq and seafood. 2:13 PM Aug 17th from mobile web
# We’re safe and with friends for the night. Watching COPS. Yesssss. 6:58 PM Aug 17th from txt
# Drunkdrunkdrunk 12:16 AM Aug 18th from txt
# Drunk, talking hockey, throwing bottles at a church, eating sheetz and taking shots with friends. Is there any better way to end this? No. 1:55 AM Aug 18th from txt
# Stopped by Wexford to see Kim’s cousin before she goes to Germany. On our way back to the FC. 2:13 PM Aug 18th from txt
# Home sweet home. 6:02 PM Aug 18th from web

Zoë

About Zoë

from Fayette County, living in Boston, chronically fussy. every Penguins season is like Amundsen vs. Scott in my head.

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