choo chooo.

As we said, this series is going to have to do a lot to really stir up any fee fees on our part. Last night’s game was best summarized by Zoe: “…it was just embarrassing. Like a tiny train trying to get up a hill and the train is so cute but there’s no way […]

Pittsburgh Penguins v New York Rangers

forgive me father for i have sinned: rangers series preview

We’re sorry, we just don’t have as many feelings about this series as we did about the Columbus series.  It was a kind of coming out party for the Blue Jackets and we felt the need to honor them, the way you feel the need to give some street cred to a teenager who is […]

the end is just the beginning

accurate tweet by @lisarec Timing is everything.  If there were five more minutes in this game, the Blue Jackets probably would have scored the tying goal.  If Malkin had showed up to class on time, he might not have ever had that iced caramel latte of a hat trick. We say it was a Starbucks […]

unpopular opinions.

We won the game last night. I mean, I guess you know that. The puck possession and the shots were hugely in our favor. Crosby and Malkin on the same line seemed to open up some opportunities. MAF was not as bad as the guy sitting at the corner of the bar wants to think […]


five steps for enjoying the rest of these playoffs, no matter what

Stop reading fancy stats if they are upsetting you.  Especially don’t read your favorite team’s fancy stats.  Lol at shot attempt charts on Twitter, don’t avoid them completely.  But this information should flow over your body like a weak ultraviolet light.  These things are going to be a lot more fun to reflect on in […]

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injure yourself spiritually until the pain stops having meaning

Hey, so, if you’re reading this, you already know what happened, and we’d hate to take you deep on that journey again.  The journey from cautious optimism to rage to disappointment. Through the standard four games, the series has lived and died by the 4-3 score.  The team that led 3-1 ended up losing the […]

more angst than a junior high homeroom.

I mean, I understand the the Jackets are kind of new to being in a situation where they are pitted against the Penguins…but do we have to borrow Flyers fan tactics that stopped being relevant in 2008 (if we’re being generous?) Tonight’s game was a confused mess that became even more confusing when we won. […]

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we all saw it coming, from miles away

JESUS HOW IS THIS STILL HAPPENING.  God, you know that playoff feeling? The one after you do win a game where it feels great to win, but the dread just builds and builds until the next game, which, if lost, will be catastrophic.  If you are still feeling bad about this, please know that somewhere […]


everything else in the god damn NHL

Bite-sized details about the other series going on, in case you are behind in your news and want our insight (obviously) (we are only figuring all of this out now by staring at and unconsciously shoving sweet potato chips in our mouths): Avalanche vs. Wild We’ve already discussed the religious angle and devotional challenge […]


the circle of life: our god returns

Hi guys, we posted this last night on our Tumblr but our Bloguin site was still down.  Enjoy.  More about the playoffs later on today. Longtime readers of PH began notifying us feverishly over the wires, and we finally feel confident enough in the veracity of this story to report it to you.  Yes, it’s true […]


all these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls.

Did you forget about playoff hockey? Because we always do. No matter how hard we emotionally prepare for it, remind ourselves that it’s Not Like Normal Hockey, and line our shelves with fresh bottles of bourbon, it comes as a surprise every year. We’re somehow always shocked when we find ourselves screaming and crying in […]


so many forbidden feelings: series preview: Pens vs Blue Jackets

This is our sum of all fears as Penguins fans who fell in love with the Blue Jackets in their halcyon days, when they made the playoffs for the first time in franchise history, captained by Rick Nash and (wait for it) Steve Mason in his Calder year.  Sounds like a fucking fever dream these […]

ho hum

This time of year the hypocrisy flows freely around Puck Huffers. We say that if you’re a true fan, you’ll always deeply believe that your team is going to win the Cup. This year when someone says they’re growing a playoff beard, we chime in “won’t be too long a beard!” It’s not to say […]


sublimated aggression

Woe is us, NBC is on this afternoon. But for once we actually need them to give us the basics straight because the haze of our Western journey has us out of touch with the playoffs.  Oh god.  We’re not ready for this at all. We would rather play Detroit but it’s looking like Columbus […]

Dead, dying, reborn

Sorry that we didn’t provide you with more live updates from Denver. Fair warning: don’t go to Denver if you don’t expect to be constantly inebriated. We went to a bottomless mimosa brunch at which, even after saying “No I’m fine” to an offer to top off my blood orange mimosa, I was topped off […]