Hello from Denver.

So, we’re in Denver, and we’ve Learned A Few Things about the city so far. – The coffee scene is decidedly uncivilized.  Nothing seems to be open before 10AM.  So when we rolled out of bed, delirious and in need of coffee, we spent two hours looking for coffee before our brunch place opened at […]

time to go.

We deal with enough when we decide to travel. Booking flights and hostels. Finding nearby things to do. Packing. Trying to remember the ounce at which mouthwash becomes a domestic threat. The last thing we needed on the eve of our voyage west was to be called in for a rescue mission. Luckily the Penguins […]


PH-Cation: Denver Edition

Sorry that we suck lately.  But it’s for a good reason.  Tomorrow PH Staff will be venturing out to Parts Unknown, Points West, aka Denver, Colorado in preparation for the Penguins @ Avalanche game on Sunday.  The thesis statement of this trip was born at the end of October, when Max Talbot was traded from […]


darkness is a blanket

We had no idea this game was on NBCSN.  This is going to be a long night. As we all remember, the last time we played the Blackhawks was at Soldier Field and the Pens shat the bed. That’s the thing about the outdoor games.  If you only wear that jersey the one time, and […]

getting ready for the curtain call

This game was basically one ginormous dry hump that ended surprisingly well.  I had a lot more  to say but I lost my post draft in highly dramatic fashion.  That’s all my game notes.  All of them.  I know WordPress wouldn’t fuck me like this, but we don’t have it yet.  Patience. In order: We […]

not just yet.

Hockey brings out the best and the worst in us as people. Screaming ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME at the television every five minutes in either elation or rage definitely has some effects on our personal lives. Our families think we're insane, our roommates want us to gtfo, and for whatever reason (that obv does […]

takeaways from this game, during which our lives became a maelstrom of fuckup

The Pens refuse to clinch a playoff spot.  They are just not that into it.  They heard about it once, but put it in a bookmarks subfolder and forgot about it. Pyatt scored? Malkin is hurt, probably until at least the playoffs.  We can’t.  We’re done. Our main site is moving to WordPress tomorrow, so […]


Do you ever just want to hug a goalie? If you didn’t want to hug some goalies after this game, we don’t know who you are or what you are doing. But seriously who the hell are you and what the fuck are you doing?  Typical game against the Blues – bogged down, limited clean […]

are you afraid of the deep dark woods?

This is an opportunity to feel normal again. Oddly it seems as though we are back in the appropriate iteration of our Universe.  Win or lose, this one counts. LEAST SIGNIFICANT Ryan Malone went to hit Bortuzzo early and Bortuzzo turned away and put himself in a dangerous situation.  Nothing bad happened but it's still […]

caw caw motherfuckers

For what we can only assume are deeply occult reasons, the Red Wings requested that the Pens wear their home jerseys at the game tonight. The Big Bang was basically just proven, so you know, obviously this is all taking place in an alternate universe that is space and time’s deepest tire fire.  So what […]

something something blood and ball sweat

A child joins the Penguins for the anthems from a team called the Butler Valley Dawgs, and all seems relatively right with the world, i.e. we are not playing the Flyers.  Also James Neal and Chris Kunitz are back with us.  And Zatkoff is in net.  Somehow we feel oddly calm. First we have to […]

not friends

Dad Shero is being honored by the Flyers before the game, but oddly they didn't thank him for bringing us Rejean and a legacy of poor defenseman drafting!!!!!! okay enough with the trolljob god Flyers games are always nasty.  We may never hate them like we hate the Red Wings or the Capitals or, you […]

pens for lsd.

The Penguins need to take tonight to prove to the universe that they can still dominate puck possession some of the time, maybe, if they feel like it. We know there are nights when Sid had a headache or Malks has just been really stressed at work or Kunitz was way too sore from that […]

which way is upstairs?

Okay you'll have to forgive me.  This is the second time that I've missed part of the first period because I literally had no idea what time it was.  This time it was important though.  I was giving my cat a bath. And I also managed to miss three fucking goals?  What universe is this? […]

in case you missed it: that Say Yes to the Dress episode

Obviously, I saw it as my civic duty to seek out this episode and watch it in full.  Jennifer Bullano, the director of communications/PR for the Pittsburgh Penguins, appears in the second half.  If you are a scholar of TLC's Say Yes to the Dress, you'll know that each half of each episode has a loose […]