breaking: twilight fans hate hockey

Apparently Kings fans noticed the *cough* TENT CITY OF TWILIGHT FANS WAITING FOR THE BREAKING DAWN MOVIE PREMIERE outside of their arena (the Nokia Theater being right next to the Staples Center) and weren’t exactly pleased. This women’s Kings hockey blog complete with an extremely sexy picture of Mike Richards had the story. Tent cities […]


your fucking civic duty

We support writing in Deryk Engelland and Matt Cooke for 2012. Go Pens. Also: vote for Ryan Whitney tomorrow, if you have a heart.Maybe also write in Johan Hedberg.yeahhhhhhh. 


the monster comes with fury

Something that is incredibly evident from these last 2 games is that the Pens are finally getting into a groove and we can dub these games as Real by our Rules of the Universe. Yes, it actually happened. We have no need to pretend it was all a bad dream. This was legit guys. Sometimes […]


you ain’t no daisy at all.

How perfect can a man be?He can have the charm of Bear Grylls.He can have the upper body strength of Robert Irvine.He could even love America as much as Ron Swanson. But no man can do what James Neal does to us these days. Really. We’re kind of thirteen, and he’s kind of Edward Cullen. Sometimes […]

the day the earth stands still

Getting to watch the Project Bundle Up video is basically Christmas. Probably because we have ovaries. Also because we are not joyless trolls who hate children. So here is a recap of this year’s Project Bundle Up. The kids don’t even need those coats yet, but they will. Oh they will. 0:30: A lady explains […]


you’re hard to resist

Having never been to Los Angeles, I really can’t tell you how the Kings fit into their collective psyche. Suffice it to say, said collective psyche is probably getting Mike Richards Disease from a case of prolonged exposure. Also: people are dicks. But we brought justice to the west coast. We rode into battle. It […]

angry. . .saturday. . .

We have a game against the Kings at 10:30PM, which could be potentially deadly. We thought we’d get some grievances into the open case we die of frustration. Example: the Pens injury report versus the Kings injury report via Empty Netters: Injuries: For the Penguins, defensemen Kris Letang (undisclosed), Matt Niskanen (undisclosed) and center Jordan […]


but are you glamour glamorous?

No, no you are not glamorous, not at all. Not tonight. You see, things were so good. But, if you’ve watched the Pens for the last couple of years, and if you’re familiar with the Sharks, you knew it could only get bad somehow. It didn’t get bad quickly, as it often does, but it […]

in the name of stews

Here at PH, we are going to celebrate a number of things in the days leading up to the Pens game. Joe Vitale is November mustache boy, which will look sexy at our pre-Thanksgiving trip to Olive Garden for breadsticks and chicken alfredo. Crosby is taking Engelland hits in practice, and looks as relaxed and […]


winter’s coming early

We can’t even keep up with the Internet anymore. If you’re on Twitter and Tumblr all day, you probably know everything. It basically satisfies as an Emergency Alert System. The things you all saw over the weekend:We can try as hard as we can to have original commentary about this, but there really isn’t anything […]


can’t always get what you want.

Phil Kessel is the antichrist.Or sold his soul to the devil.Or something equally as terrible that would cause a person to take happiness and joy away from James Neal, possibly the only person on this earth to deserve happiness in the first place.Other than overcoming Mr. Neal in the scoring race, his hobbies include things […]


angry friday #4

Hello, friends. In the absence of a recap for last night’s game, I bring to you once again: ANGRY FRIDAY Things pissing me off this week include: 1) Dental work I had to get another crown on my teeth this week. This is because I apparently cracked one of my molars. On what, I can’t […]

important video of sidney crosby slicing tomatoes.

To tide you over. The game last night was obviously awesome, but due to hilarious medical emergencies, we’re not going to recap it until later today. This video should keep you happy until then. Go Pens. 

rolling over.

After this game was over I only had one thought:33 shots?Really?Are they referring to Okposo’s bar tab? Because it certainly didn’t feel like there were 33 threats to our shut out this evening. MAF had it on lockdown, plus, well, The Isles. The awards are no less deserved. BEST TELEGRAM EVER RECIEVEDSitting down in your parlor, […]


not like you’re dead to us or anything

So, imagine being a New Jersey Devils fan tonight. Like an actual New Jersey Devils fan. Shit must be hard. I mean, it could be worse. Johan Hedberg, despite being 38, is as good a backup as you can have without having Brent Johnson, and also happens to be devastatingly gorgeous. And you managed to […]