run and tell that

Hair League has been updated.I mean I know that’s the only reason you visit this blog. It can’t be for the insightful hockey commentary. Or even the dick jokes. or pictures of dicks in costumes. Though those are all good reasons. Today we want to bring you answers to your questions, which might be as […]


well fuck this sideways

For Dallas, the situation seemed dire. Their record wasn’t quite what they wanted it to be. So they decided. . .we are going to play well tonight. Vicious. Persistent. We aren’t going to make those assholes feel like they can win this game, because they can’t, because we’re the Dallas fucking Stars and now that […]

on the fly

The Hair League page has received its cursory updates. The world is a better place now. Leaderboard is as follows for the top 3 points totals: 1. Tied for first with 170 points: Strudels & Doodles, Alyssa T’s Team, Anna H’s Team. 2. Boyssszz on Ice Yay! with 143 points 3. Frenchiesknowbest and Cookiesworld are […]

breaking news: cam ward still wants to co-coordinate picnics with us

I mean, why else would he have let himself get beat by Pascal Dupuis and Max Talbot? Possibly scientific evidence of mustache power. Or the fact that Pascal and Max can accomplish things in their lifetimes. Brent with the shutout. Gotta start him in Dallas. What was up with the blue uniforms in Carolina, btw? […]

unknown factors

The recap situation for tonight’s game at Carolina is unknown, but Zoë or Ann will be joining you at some point about something. There are still plenty of penises in the previous post to keep you occupied. Zoë was on the Pensblog Podcast this morning, so you can check that out. So, the Canes. Are […]



BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOO This is probably not safe for work. And by probably, we mean certainly not. Well…let’s level here. It’s all clipart. But if you want to roll around in the grass and fully appreciate how glad you are that, win or lose, the Penguins are your team and the Flyers are not, we […]

metaphysical suicice, part 2

Bizarre. Odd. We don’t even know what to say about it. The awards show is short because we’re fairly sure that Brother Steven snuck into our rooms last night and started whispering sweet nothings mind games into our ears. MAN YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IN AWHILE Mike Smith is a man of mystery. Why does it […]

that’s the rub (hair league 10/26 update)

You can head on over to the hair league points page to get an updated look at the points for each player. And an updated leaderboard, but we’ll mention it here anyway: 1. Tied for first with 107 points: Strudels & Doodles, Alyssa T’s Team, Anna H’s Team. 2. Kaitlyn Made Me Do It with […]


If you didn’t look so great, I’d say you looked good

God I love it when Pens bus issues make headlines.  Someone get them Miss Frizzle and that magical bus.  Engine troubles for the 198,773th time, but they made it to the rink.  Apparently the boys were discussing taxis, but we totally know that KTang had this plan going through his mind: Aaaaand yes, Clark Gable […]

CRASH MY NET FRIDAY with a hangover

I hope you weren’t scared of the monster with the fighting bears that Kim allowed to post on the blog yesterday. But admittedly, he saved us when our lives fell apart, so I’m not going to complain. It was a good post. Let’s all give big hugs and applause to Kim for making sure everything […]

Smash My Face

Kim got the flu. I think she got drunk at Happy Hour and went into an alleyway where 18 dark wizards were making “whiz” for a batch of Philly cheese steaks, and was Hexed. 18 dark wizards is the appropriate amount of wizards to corrupt a block of cheddar into whiz. You didn’t think Flyers […]

calm, cool, collected.

Sidney Crosby : Beast Master. This photo = this game. Sid is ready to go, just wondering when he can get the puck next and put it away. Some Pred is looking like a total doucher off to the left. Yup. (By “Some Pred” we mean Tootoo. Bringin’ the lulz.) We’re going to be honest, […]


Today the Penguins are going to another one of our favorite cities, Nashville. We have taken this occasion to update our hair league spreadsheet, but the leaderboard has yet to change in any meaningful way, so we’re too lazy to update the page at present, but it’s coming. Ben Lovejoy earned some points. It’s all […]


majestic confusion

BUT WHERE WAS THE STRUGGLE??? We’re not going to say that this was a clean win. But the general feeling of ceaseless grind was absent. The mountain was tall, but climbable. There was no thousand-yard-stare in anyone’s eyes, no “because it is there” attitude of desperation. We just beat the fuckin’ Sens. We didn’t even […]


hair league in your face

There have been some slight shakeups in the framework of the Hair League. So far the leading team belongs to those three lucky compatriots who have selected Max Talbot, Evgeni Malkin, and Pascal Dupuis. This is the leaderboard for the top three ranks: 1. Tied for first with 76 points: Strudels & Doodles, Alyssa T’s […]