satan in the wings

We have MSG (fucking Chico) and are trying to doublefist the WJC and this game. Turning up the USA and turning down the NHL. We love the irrational patriotism we get during international hockey tournaments. We hate that this Pens game is at 1:00. Can’t win right now. Mess city. Almost overslept. Need coffee. USA […]

running down the road

Hello from Back in Reality.  We have Fox Sports Ohio on Gamecenter, which is what we imagine ROOT Sports would still be like if the Penguins hadn't become such a big deal.  The Penguins' overall record is 28-11-1 somehow.  Christ, that ain't bad.  The Blue Jackets haven't beaten the Penguins since 2011.  Jeff Rimer reminds […]

crawling home to die

CANADIAN TIRE SENATORS HOCKEY ON SPORTSNET SPONSORED BY MOLSON BY SCOTIABANK YOU’RE RICHER THAN YOU THINK Yeah we have the Sens stream for the night.  sorry. This is the most disgustingly Canadian thing ever, possibly.  Just like we philosophize about the Swedes, there are good Swedes and bad Swedes, and there’s good Canada and bad […]

let the nightmares commence.

First and foremost:Plz no. Just…no. Nooooooooooooooo hockey is a funtimes gameeeeeee.Let’s just get to the awards. Our nightmares will catch up with us later. MOMENT YOU WONDERED IF SANTA IS AS DEAD AS GODAt the start of the game Glencross tries to hit Maatta behind the net and something goes wrong with his life. His leg […]

december nights

Fake recap again because the holiday season means I'm too busy to exist. This game was oddly comforting like something on TV when you were a kid.  Just your usual late December chippy game with a team from the other conference.  There were two fights in the first period and Dupuis rose from the grave […]

drag me to heaven

NBC at 8pm.  Went grocery shopping and barely made it to puck drop with a hastily-made grilled cheese and tomato soup.  It’s easy to forget the narratives of hockey on a national stage when we’re used to the weed-and-hot-dog-fueled delusions of local play-by-play and color guys.  Doc and Edzo and Pierre are like a penance […]


Sometimes people make "adult decisions" and we don't understand them.  Shawn Thornton appealing his 15 game suspension is the obvious example to give this evening for such problems. Other adult decisions are made out of absolute necessity and sometimes they bring you through to the other side, if not to heaven, at least to the […]

vacation recap: when the forests were thick with glossopteris

Due to dramatic personnel issues, harmful neurotoxins, and a visit from men in the stealthy black helicopters, the next two PH recaps will be in Abbreviated Format.  The holidays are stressful and mental/emotional/physical exhaustion are real, especially when you are on the run from the man and really just wanted to sit on the couch tonight […]


Your little brother is back from college for the first time and can’t get over how high you are all the time since you’ve been laid up on mom’s couch suffering from “emotional exhaustion.” in other words, the Blue Jackets have come to Consol Energy Center for a Metro Division game. Pass that blunt. KISS […]


Go to the game, watch varying types of assault by humans on other adult humans, have a beer, watch your team collapse towards the end because everything is bad: well worth the 85 dollars. Staff reports that Simon Despres was sassy in warmups and thank god because he’ll probably be bringing the swagger to a […]

the saddest pony in the aquarium

This is short, because today was basically doomsday with a side of tears.  Game was good though.  TK returns to Pittsburgh to find his former pony ranch in ruins and cries and smokes a cigarette in its stone archway entrance, which appears to have been abandoned for millennia as opposed to mere months. The game […]

bears in the closet

Worse things have happened at sea. If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re wrong. The sea is a deep dark chasm of tragedy.  Nothing in your life is as bad as the shit that could happen to you AT SEA. with that cryptic introduction, we’ll move forward to the game. MOST LIKE DRUNK BABY OCELOTS Both […]


last night was a good game to watch at the bar while eating a steak that’s about it drunk blog tonight probably, go pens


The Pens are sharing air with Zoe in Boston tonight. Quickcap tonight – we're busy people sometimes because we have lives but life always takes a few hours to pause for hockey. Especially when you have a disease that makes you claw your own eyes out if you miss a game.  MOST DESERVING OF BEING […]


(CLICK FOR BIGGER   CAPTION/PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: THE ROMANCE NOVEL/LOVE TRIANGLE WE NEVER WANTED TO IMAGINE WTF Bad Romance Covers is an amazing blog that will change your life, and it's the first thing we thought of when we saw this amazing photo of Sid and KTang sharing an intimate moment as Olli Maatta looks on.  Leave […]