say goodnight, goodbye: free agency 2014

Them’s the breaks: We lost a lot of good soldiers yesterday, who went on to bigger paydays. The Engelland contract is the new “Jeff Finger money.”  Deryk Engelland money is sweet, sweet millions. Joe Vitale is also being overpaid, but by a slightly underachieving western conference team, so it makes sense.  Tanner Glass’s contract is […]

postmortem draft day 2014

The Pens traded James Neal to Nashville for Patric Hornqvist and Nick Spaling. We’re not going to deny ever loving James Neal, because we did: the Goligoski-for-Niskanen-and-Neal trade instantly improved the Penguins, and not just because Matt Niskanen became a stud.  But I think we all knew that once James Neal signed that contract that […]

mike johnston

there will be no awards this year in protest, also the Penguins hire a coach

What the hell is going on. the NHLPA picked Sid first as the best person, Sid called out Ron Burkle and Mario Lemieux to thank but NOT David Morehouse.  He brought his sister as his date.  Sounded strangely restrained.  Sid and PK were then forced to be near preening showgirls for some reason. then there […]

blah blah blah

hey so in case you haven’t heard no one wants to coach the Penguins that is your monthly status update we didn’t report on the Kings winning the Cup because I mean everyone knew that was happening right, you didn’t need us to report on it? watch USA/Portugal at the World Cup tomorrow and pretend […]

morehouse eating your dreams with his eyes

finally someone puts the hammer down

It goes to show how much faith we have in our hockey media, or really just the media in general, that when the tweets start happening our first instinct is to assume that within a few hours, it’ll be redacted, or turn out to mean something else entirely.  But Bob McKenzie, who is essentially the Frank […]


disillusionment is real: the 2014 Stanley Cup Final

really, if you want to think about it, this is the year that all possible dreams died.  The Kings/Blackhawks series was one for the ages, don’t get us wrong.  And much astute observation has been made about the Kings and their success.  The “West is Best” adage has proven true—unless you count goaltending as important […]


David Morehouse is the creepy Harry Harlow of the NHL, the Pensblog explains why

If you’ve felt that the Penguins organization has been an unfeeling wire mesh monkey mother since about 2010 (new arena, new branding strategy, all that cuntitude), the Pensblog has accurately explained why in their profile of Penguins President and CEO David Morehouse. While we may not necessarily agree that there is any necessarily sinister intent with […]

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fuck your mother

You know what?  It’s puzzling.  It really is just puzzling.  The Penguins now basically have a reputation for spectacular chokejobs of a dizzying variety, and adding “giving up a 3-1 series lead to the Rangers” shouldn’t have been in the tea leaves, but god damn it, it is.  There’s a Game 7 for all the […]


visiting the caves

This was a short play, in three acts, about how to just hunker down and get your shit done.  Madison Square Garden wanted their heroes, but they got a bedraggled squad of ruffians.  They had so much hope. Listen.  What the hell even is New York City?  Who does this?  Who wears an Adam Graves […]

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so excited, so unslept

So yeah. No one wants to admit that the Pens could lose this game, but they could. NBC bringing truth by saying in the early goings that the Pens need a statement game. Reductionist National Media, we couldn’t have said it better ourselves. Even while we’re pouring shots, shouting incoherently about the “what’s wrong with […]

Pittsburgh Penguins v New York Rangers

forgive me father for i have sinned: rangers series preview

We’re sorry, we just don’t have as many feelings about this series as we did about the Columbus series.  It was a kind of coming out party for the Blue Jackets and we felt the need to honor them, the way you feel the need to give some street cred to a teenager who is […]

the end is just the beginning

accurate tweet by @lisarec Timing is everything.  If there were five more minutes in this game, the Blue Jackets probably would have scored the tying goal.  If Malkin had showed up to class on time, he might not have ever had that iced caramel latte of a hat trick. We say it was a Starbucks […]


five steps for enjoying the rest of these playoffs, no matter what

Stop reading fancy stats if they are upsetting you.  Especially don’t read your favorite team’s fancy stats.  Lol at shot attempt charts on Twitter, don’t avoid them completely.  But this information should flow over your body like a weak ultraviolet light.  These things are going to be a lot more fun to reflect on in […]