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injure yourself spiritually until the pain stops having meaning

Hey, so, if you’re reading this, you already know what happened, and we’d hate to take you deep on that journey again.  The journey from cautious optimism to rage to disappointment. Through the standard four games, the series has lived and died by the 4-3 score.  The team that led 3-1 ended up losing the […]

more angst than a junior high homeroom.

I mean, I understand the the Jackets are kind of new to being in a situation where they are pitted against the Penguins…but do we have to borrow Flyers fan tactics that stopped being relevant in 2008 (if we’re being generous?) Tonight’s game was a confused mess that became even more confusing when we won. […]

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we all saw it coming, from miles away

JESUS HOW IS THIS STILL HAPPENING.  God, you know that playoff feeling? The one after you do win a game where it feels great to win, but the dread just builds and builds until the next game, which, if lost, will be catastrophic.  If you are still feeling bad about this, please know that somewhere […]


everything else in the god damn NHL

Bite-sized details about the other series going on, in case you are behind in your news and want our insight (obviously) (we are only figuring all of this out now by staring at and unconsciously shoving sweet potato chips in our mouths): Avalanche vs. Wild We’ve already discussed the religious angle and devotional challenge […]


the circle of life: our god returns

Hi guys, we posted this last night on our Tumblr but our Bloguin site was still down.  Enjoy.  More about the playoffs later on today. Longtime readers of PH began notifying us feverishly over the wires, and we finally feel confident enough in the veracity of this story to report it to you.  Yes, it’s true […]


all these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls.

Did you forget about playoff hockey? Because we always do. No matter how hard we emotionally prepare for it, remind ourselves that it’s Not Like Normal Hockey, and line our shelves with fresh bottles of bourbon, it comes as a surprise every year. We’re somehow always shocked when we find ourselves screaming and crying in […]


so many forbidden feelings: series preview: Pens vs Blue Jackets

This is our sum of all fears as Penguins fans who fell in love with the Blue Jackets in their halcyon days, when they made the playoffs for the first time in franchise history, captained by Rick Nash and (wait for it) Steve Mason in his Calder year.  Sounds like a fucking fever dream these […]

ho hum

This time of year the hypocrisy flows freely around Puck Huffers. We say that if you’re a true fan, you’ll always deeply believe that your team is going to win the Cup. This year when someone says they’re growing a playoff beard, we chime in “won’t be too long a beard!” It’s not to say […]


sublimated aggression

Woe is us, NBC is on this afternoon. But for once we actually need them to give us the basics straight because the haze of our Western journey has us out of touch with the playoffs.  Oh god.  We’re not ready for this at all. We would rather play Detroit but it’s looking like Columbus […]

Dead, dying, reborn

Sorry that we didn’t provide you with more live updates from Denver. Fair warning: don’t go to Denver if you don’t expect to be constantly inebriated. We went to a bottomless mimosa brunch at which, even after saying “No I’m fine” to an offer to top off my blood orange mimosa, I was topped off […]

Hello from Denver.

So, we’re in Denver, and we’ve Learned A Few Things about the city so far. – The coffee scene is decidedly uncivilized.  Nothing seems to be open before 10AM.  So when we rolled out of bed, delirious and in need of coffee, we spent two hours looking for coffee before our brunch place opened at […]

time to go.

We deal with enough when we decide to travel. Booking flights and hostels. Finding nearby things to do. Packing. Trying to remember the ounce at which mouthwash becomes a domestic threat. The last thing we needed on the eve of our voyage west was to be called in for a rescue mission. Luckily the Penguins […]


PH-Cation: Denver Edition

Sorry that we suck lately.  But it’s for a good reason.  Tomorrow PH Staff will be venturing out to Parts Unknown, Points West, aka Denver, Colorado in preparation for the Penguins @ Avalanche game on Sunday.  The thesis statement of this trip was born at the end of October, when Max Talbot was traded from […]


darkness is a blanket

We had no idea this game was on NBCSN.  This is going to be a long night. As we all remember, the last time we played the Blackhawks was at Soldier Field and the Pens shat the bed. That’s the thing about the outdoor games.  If you only wear that jersey the one time, and […]

getting ready for the curtain call

This game was basically one ginormous dry hump that ended surprisingly well.  I had a lot more  to say but I lost my post draft in highly dramatic fashion.  That’s all my game notes.  All of them.  I know WordPress wouldn’t fuck me like this, but we don’t have it yet.  Patience. In order: We […]